Okay, Mr. B. I better get back to playing host.
Okay, you guys, grab your suits, and I'll meet you down at the pool.
- I think I'm gonna take a pass on the swimming. - Oh, no, you can't.
I don't even have a suit with me. The airline lost my bag and--
[Jack] Pamcake, let's go. Mom's got your suit here. Coming, Dad.
You better get going.
Gosh, she's great. Congratulations, man.
Thank you. And, by the way, she just had the nicest things to say about you.
Really? Yeah.
Oh.
Gosh. Yeah, we had some good times together.
Boy, she is a tomcat.
Whoo.
So, let me hook you up with some trunks, Gregger.
I'm not gonna swim. No, come on. I'm not taking no for an answer.
[Kevin] Cold buffet is on the left, wine and champagne on the right.
Comin' through here.
[Chattering]
[Kevin] Yeah, that'd be gre-- Hey, there he is!
Get out here. [Wolf Whistle]
G-Man, we got salmon, we got swordfish. What's it gonna be?
Ah-- How 'bout a little of both, K-Dog? I'm pretty hungry.
I think they call that "the munchies."
[Chuckling]
Let's go. Hit the ball, Kev! Show 'em what you got!
Come on, Greg. Damn!
Come on, team. He's got nothing. Come on, Greg.
- Service. - Come on, Greg.
[Screaming]
- [Glass Breaking] - Nice serve, pal.
- All right. - Set!
[Jack] Oh, Greg! Come on!
Whoo! Nice shot, Maverick! Sweet setup, Iceman.
[Denny] Nice one, Nurse. Glenn, Glenn, Glenn.
You gotta rush the net on defense. Don't be afraid of the ball.
- It's Greg. - Huddle up, team.
Greg, not Glenn. Greg is afraid of the ball.
- [Jack] Come on. This is unacceptable. - He's gotta go for the ball.
- Here's what we gotta do. - [Bob] Let's go! We're gettin' cold in here.
We're gettin' creamed. If Florence Nightingale over here would play defense.
- Larry, I missed one shot. - It was a big shot.
Larry, keep floatin' where you are. You're doin' great.
Denny, take the deep shots. Greg, nobody's expecting much out of you.
- If I set you up with the ball, can you jump up and spike it? - [Denny] No.
Yeah. I'd have to be pretty high, but yeah.
I bet you would, Panama Red. [Snickers]
- All right, everybody, look sharp. Break! - Let's play some ball.
[Bob] All right, here we go.
Let's go. Come on.
[Denny] Greg! Set!
You gotta spike those, Focker! You gotta spike those!
- Look how Bob did that. Nice play, Bob. - Thanks, Jack.
Fire it up there, Focker! Let's do it!
- Way to go, Deb! - Greg!
[Roaring]
- Oh! - [Bob] Honey! God!
- [Shouting] - [Whimpering]
What the hell's the matter with you? It's only a game, Focker!
- Oh, honey! I'm coming! - [Deb Crying]
[Jack] Get some ice.
My eye! Oh, my eye! Focker!
[Bob] God! [Deb Crying]
[Jack] Pam, help your sister, please. I'm sorry, Deb.
Deb, you can totally see Voit backwards on your forehead.
- Denny, get outta here! - You the bandleader?
Yes, sir. Go over the song selection with Bob. Bob? Bob!
[Bob] Yeah, Jack. Are you a Mr. Focker?
Yes. Okay. Sign here, please.
Hey, your suitcase. You go through it, make sure it's all there?
Yeah, it's fine. What's up? Good.
I just wanna make sure you're okay since hitting the spike heard 'round the world.
Oh, yeah. I'm really sorry about that. It's okay.
I don't know what got into me, Iceman.
"Iceman"? I'm sorry. Is that a special thing
Stop it. Stop what, Iceman?
Top Gun was a very popular movie when Kevin and I dated.
All right? That's it. Hey, Iceman.
Do you want to be Maverick? Is that what this is all about?
I can't be Maverick. Kevin's Maverick. He used to be,
but we can change that.
Um, can he be Goose? No, because Goose dies in the end.
Mmm. Very sad.
Honey, I don't really-- Greg, shut up.
Okay.
Jesus, Dad, you ever think of knocking? Not in my own den.
What are you two doing in here? I'd say rounding
- This is Greg's room, Dad. - Not anymore. We're gonna use it for storage.
Greg will stay in Debbie's room, and she'll bunk up with you tonight.
Fine. Come on, Greg.
- Okay. I'll be right up. - I'll meet you upstairs.
Oh, good. They found your suitcase. Yeah.
Hey, Jack, I don't quite know what happened back at the tux shop,
but if I've given you the wrong impression regarding Pam in any way, I'm sorry.
Okay? I have nothing but the best intentions with Pam, and I-I just--
Actually, there's something in the suitcase here that I'm planning on giving her...
that I think, um, symbolizes...
[Jiggling Toilet Handle]
the level of my commitment, uh, to her. [Toilet Tank Lid Clattering]
And I wouldn't feel right asking her to wear it...
without her father's permission.
Jack?
Did you flush this toilet?
Maybe. You know what? Maybe Jinx flushed it.
I saw little Jinxy come in last night,
and he took a little squat and relieved himself.
Jinx knows not to use that toilet, and even if he did, he'd never flush it.
- What does it matter? - The matter, Greg, R.N.,
is that when this toilet is flushed, it runs,
and when you have a septic tank that's nearly full and a toilet that's been running all night,
then you could have a hell of a problem.
Mr. Byrnes?
[Man] This is not part of my job description.
Nice stench. You're really on a roll there, bud.
Bite me, Denny!
In 20 hours, I'm having a wedding here, so I need my cesspool pumped now!
- Not tomorrow. Now! - Dad, what's going on?
Oh, my God! What's that smell?
That smell, Bob, is our shit.
Focker flushed the toilet in the den, so the septic tank is overflowing.
Jack, I told you. It wasn't me. It was Jinx.
Focker, I'm not gonna tell you again!
Jinx cannot flush the toilet. He's a cat, for chris sakes!
The animal doesn't even have thumbs, Focker.
- Hey, look at this! - Kevo!
Over by the tree, right?
No. No, no, no. Not on the lawn!
Stay where you are. Not on the lawn!
- [Pam] Kevin, no! - No, no, no, no!
- [Screaming] - Oh!
- No, no, no! - Ahh!
What the heck?
I got my mojo workin'
Just won't work on you
I got my mojo workin'
Just won't work on you
Oh--
I know that's what I said I wanted, 'cause that's what I wanted.
It is a black Samsonite suitcase.
What I'm saying is, do you think it's possible that the Samsonite people,
in some crazy little scheme to actually turn a profit, made more than one?
[Woman On Phone] I don't think so. You don't?
I am going to need your baggage claim number again. Jinx, stop.
- I know I signed for it. - I'm looking at your signature right here, Mr. Focker.
- Do me a favor. Could I talk to your supervisor? - Excuse me?
Hmm? What's your name? Joy.
- Okay, let me talk to your supervisor. - My supervisor is on a break.
When he gets back, have him give me a call right away.
It's a very important bag. I'm sure it is, sir.
[Meowing]
Jinx.
Don't ask me what it's for. I need you to do this thing. [Man] Yeah.
Please, I'm in a time situation here, so just do it. I'll hold on.
So the name's "Greg Focker"? I don't know. Greg or Gregory. Run both names.
Jinx.
Come on. No. Jinx. Come here. Jinxy. [Meowing]
Mew, mew, mew. No. No.
Jinx. Oh, shit.
Greg didn't ace his med school boards. He never even took the goddamn MCATs.
Oh, Jack, that's what you had your sources check out?
What this poor boy did on some test scores?
I bet he doesn't even have a real nursing degree.
A lot of these hospital workers are just pill poppers looking for easy access to ludes.
We already know that he's been puffin' the magic dragon.
I knew the little crack was lying.
Jinxy. Come here. Come here, little Jinxy.
Oh.
[Meowing]
Jinxy cat, Jinxy cat I won't hurt you
The fact is, Greg lied to you.
He did not lie to me, Dad. He lied to you when I thought you should know the truth.
I love you too much to see you get hurt.
I don't care what your information says, Dad. Greg took the MCATs. Okay?
[Sighs] [Phone Rings]
[Phone Beeps, Man Speaking Asian Dialect]
[Speaking Asian Dialect]
[Man, Jack Speaking Asian Dialect]
[Speaking Asian Dialect]
[Meowing]
[Phone Beeps]
[Meowing]
[Speaking Asian Dialect]
- Oh. - [Cat Meowing]
[Asian Dialect] [Beep]
- [Meowing] - Holy--
- [Meowing] - Shit!
Whoa!
Wah! Whoa! Whoa!
No, no, no. No, no, no.
No!
Ho--
Holy--
No! Oh! Oh, my God!
[Jack] All right, everybody. All right, stand back.
- [Screaming] - Stay back. Stay back.
[Shouting, Screaming] Watch out. Watch out!
[Dina] Oh, Jack! Oh, God!
[Shouting]
[Larry] We've got a fire! Somebody call 911 right away! Hurry up!
[Dina] Jinxy! Jinxy!
We checked every yard, every car on the street. Nobody's seen him.
He's not up in any of the trees, Jack.
We checked all the bedrooms. Jinx isn't up here.
Yeah, none of the neighbors have seen him either.
You tried to milk him, didn't you, you sick son of a bitch!
Dad, stop it. That's enough.
Honey, please calm down. How can I calm down...
if we're 15 minutes away from the wedding rehearsal and the ring bearer's missing?
Whoa. What do you mean, "the ring bearer"? Your daddy didn't tell you?
He taught Jinx to walk down the aisle with this little pillow.
Oh, no. No, you didn't, Dad.
Yeah, yeah. You put this around the neck, and these ribbons are for the rings.
[Bob] That's adorable, Jack. Oh, for Chris sakes!
That's great, Dad. Yeah, but now we have to postpone the rehearsal.
Bob, you ride with me. Larry, you come with your car.
We're gonna canvass the neighborhood. Dee, ask O'Boyle to wait.
If we're not back in an hour, we'll reschedule the rehearsal for the morning.
Jack! No! We cannot cancel the rehearsal for some stupid cat!
Stupid cat? How could you say that? That cat's been like a brother to you!
We're supposed to let him wander the streets without food, water or toilet?
- D-Dad, Greg'll find him. - What?
- Yeah, what? - [Dina] Oh, that's wonderful.
Fine. Fine. Okay. Denny?
- Denny? Denny? Denny! - Dad, I'm right here.
Yoo-hoo. Okay. You're gonna fill in as the ring bearer for now.
- No. I'm not wearin' that stupid pillow thing on my head. - Oh, yes, you damn well will!
Jinx! Jinx! Here, Jinx.
You just go and wander the streets without food, water or toilet? Fucker!
[Cat Meowing, Dogs Barking]
Actually, you may be in luck. They brought in a Himalayan a little while ago.
[Gasps] There he is.
Holyshit, that's Jinx.
Jinxy! Uh, no, let me see that photo again.
You gotta picture him without that stupid Santa cap.
Come on, Jinxy. Jinxy! Uh, no.
You see, in the picture, your cat has an all-black tail.
Yeah. And this one has a white tip.
No, I'm sorry about that, chief.
Looks just like him. Almost.
Except for that tail.
[Chain Saw Buzzing]
Dearly beloved-- [Tree Crashing, Workers Shouting]
[Father O'Boyle] Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here on this beautiful day...
to join Dr. Robert Banks--
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here on this beautiful day...
to join Dr. Robert Banks and Debra Byrnes in holy matrimony.
This is a special day--
He found him! Yea!
It's him! It's him!
[Bob] I gotta see this.
Look, Dad, it's Jinx. Oh, my little baby!
We found you. We found you. Greg, thank you so much. This is so great.
[Dina] Where did you find him? Gave us a little scare, huh?
Jinxy. Ohh.
Oh
For once in my life I got someone who needs me
To Greg. Hooray!
[Dina] Honey, where is Greg, anyway? He's in the restroom.
Yes, I tried there. I've tried every shelter on the north shore, okay?
He's a brown-and-black Himalayan with an all-black tail.
Mr. Jinx. Yeah, okay. You go check. I'll call you back.
[Laughing]
It's the man of the hour. Hey!
Sorry, folks. Had to pay a little visit to the urinal fairy.
[Laughing]
Greg, nice work with the cat today.
Aw, thanks, Jack. I'm just glad I could help out.
We never did get to finish that little "convo" back at the den.
So, when you have a minute, there is still something I'd like to talk to you about.
We'll get right to it as soon as we get back. You have my word.
I'm gonna hold you to that. Circle of trust.
Guess who's back in the circle of trust.
[Chuckling]
[Cat Yowling]
Pull the string and I'll wink at you
I'm your puppet
Look at Jack! Whoa! [Laughing]
Oh, poor Kevin looks lonely.
Maybe I should ask him to dance. What do you think?
Sure. I bet he could, uh, whittle a private little dance floor for the two of you.
[Chuckles] I'm serious.
I saw some beech wood outside. He's very handy. [Laughing]
He's an extremely handy and crafty craftsman.
I shouldn't paint him with that brush, but--
Come on. Seriously. Seriously. Part of you wishes you ended up with him.
Yes, he's very talented,
but it would've never worked out.
Why not?
I was never in love with Kevin.
I'm in love with you.
That's a good explanation. Think so?
Mm-hmm. Thought you'd like that.
I do. I'm glad.
No, Jinx. Mr. Jinx. I called you like half an hour ago.
Okay, I already-- I already described it. Airline.
Messages.
Uh, it's, uh-- It's brown...
with a little bit of black trim.
Yes. [Line Ringing]
[Mechanized Voice] Please enter your four-digit code.
Jack, hi. It's Hank MacAtee from next door.
You'll never guess who wandered over here this afternoon. Mr. Jinx.
Yeah, he's not wearing his collar, but, uh, I'm sure it's Jinxy.
Thought you might be worried, so just give me a jingle when you guys get home,
and I'll bring the little rascal over.
Okay, well, if you could just keep checking, please, and I'll call you back later. Thanks.
- [Sighing] - Any luck?
No, they're still looking.
Hey, Jack, this is a great party.
I guess sometimes these things sort of come together in their own kooky sort of way.
Yeah, it's kind of like the way you found Jinxy.
- You found him at that animal shelter, huh? - Uh-huh. Yeah, right.
- Well, the important thing is he's home now. - Yes.
Yeah. You know, there's something about that ball of fur...
that just puts a big smile on my face.
Mm. Yeah. You haven't seen any of his latest tricks, have you?
No. Hm-mm.
Well, when we get back, I'll show you.
We don't have to do it tonight. He's had a long day. He's probably tired.
I wouldn't want to-- No, I think he'd like to show you tonight.
Hmm.
Why don't you give me the key and let me drive?
Hey, Larry. You know what? Why don't I drive?
Oh. It's a very expensive car. Good idea.
I've always wanted to test-drive a Benz.
Be my guest, Focker.
- Hey, sweetie, what are you doing? - Larry said I could drive.
Oh.
Let's go. Hurry, hurry. All right. Bye, guys.
[Pam] See you. [Linda] Thanks for driving.
[Engine Roaring, Tires Screeching]
Drives a little better than your Taurus, huh, Greg?
Come on. Get in the car, honey. Let's go. Hurry up.
Okay, okay.
[Tires Screeching] Whoa, Nellie!
[Larry] Everybody comfortable back there?
[Tires Screeching]
You're a real wild man at that wheel there.
[Chattering]
[Larry] You got your seat belts on back there? Get your seat belts on.
Oh, Jesus, Focker!
[Tires Screeching]
You're driving like a maniac! Focker,
Benz drives like a dream, Lar. Let's not
Whoo. Oh.
Oh, there's Jack.
Hey, Jackie. [Engine Rumbling]
- [Engine Rumbles Louder] - Wanna play, Pops? Let's play.
[Engine Rumbling, Roaring]
[Linda] Okay, now, Greg? Greg?
- [Linda] Greg, no! - [Larry] Whoa! Oh! Oh!
[Engines Roaring]
[Tires Screeching]
Is everything okay, honey?
Yeah, just trying to make good time. Oh.
What the heck is the matter with you?
All right. We're gonna be home. We're gonna get home.
Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
It's not the autobahn. Come on, Greg!
[Tires Screeching]
Jesus!
[Linda] Maybe you should drive after all, honey. We're okay.
All right.
Oh, no. No, please.
Yes! [Bob] Jack just turned.
You were supposed to make that left at the light,
Focker.
[Debbie] I think I'm gonna be sick.
[Denny] Where does he think he's going?
[Bob] Home, home, home. [Debbie] What a fun ride.
Who gave him the keys? [Laughing]
Okay, we're out. Yeah, we've had enough excitement.
[Larry] I wonder if he has a license.
[Bob] Yeah, a license to kill.
[Chattering, Laughing]
[Pam] Come on, everybody.
[Bob] Hey, nice driving, Mario!
You're a lunatic! [Chattering, Laughing]
Come on, Linda!
[Larry] Hey, hey! [Dina Laughing]
Whoo-hoo!
[Screaming]
- [Larry] What in the world-- - [Debbie] Oh, my--
- [All Talking At Once] - Oh, the dress!
It was the cat! Goddamn you!
Dad, Dad-- Dad! Dad! Jinx, I'm gonna--
- [Shrieking] - Calm down!
- Where's the cat? - [Bob] Cat got out! Cat got out, Jack!
[Sniffing] You spray-painted his tail...
to make him look like Jinxy, didn't you, Focker?
Greg, what's he talking about?
Hank MacAtee called me a couple of hours ago and told me he found Jinxy.
He took his collar and put it on an impostor.
Then he spray-painted his tail, and then he tried to beat us back here...
so that he could get rid of the evidence.
Oh, no.
Please tell me that's not true, Greg.
It was just a temporary solution until I could find the real Jinx.
[Sighing] How could you do something like that?
- I'm sorry. - What are you going to tell me next?
That you set Kevin's altar on fire? [Nervous Chuckle]
Oh, my God.
Well, it wasn't intentional. I was chasing Jinx up onto the roof.
I had a smoke, and I think I might have lit something that--
I don't know what happened. He put so much goddamn lacquer on that thing.
It was an accident waiting to happen.
This is very disappointing, Greg.
Get out of my house, Focker, and take your friend with you.
So you lied to me about everything, huh, Greg?
You lied about the cat, about the fire, about the MCATs.
I didn't lie about the MCATs. Don't you see what's happening here?
- Your dad has totally turned you against me. - I didn't turn her against you.
You did that to yourself.
Jack, please. You didn't like me from the second I walked in here.
I'm a very accepting person, Focker.
All I ask for is honesty.
Oh, honesty?
You wanna talk about truth and honesty, Jack?
Okay, let's talk a little truth and honesty.
Let's talk a little "Operation Ko Samui," Jack.
What's he talking about, Dad?
Yeah, that's weird, 'cause I thought there weren't any secrets...
inside the circle of trust, Jack.
I don't know what you're talking about. You don't? Huh?
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?
Hey, Pam, guess what.
Daddy's planning a little covert operation in Thailand for the day after the wedding.
You are?
Round and round we go, Jack. Hey.
I bet everybody would love to hear about your rendezvous...
in the parking lot of the Oyster Bay Drug and Sundry.
You know what I'm talking about. Where the guy gave you the passports and the documents.
Or how about your little phone call in Thai?
[Scoffs] Jack can't talk Thai. Oh, no, Dina.
Jack can talk Thai. Jack talk Thai very well.
I'm sorry, Pam, but your dad is not retired.
He's still very much in the C.I.A.
Daddy. What-- He's right.
[Stammering] My cover's blown.
I-l-I am planning...
a secret operation the day after the wedding.
- What? - A surprise honeymoon for Deb and Bob.
You stupid son of a bitch! You just blew it!
What?
Ko Samui is an island off the coast of Thailand!
That guy I was meeting in the parking lot is Thor Svenson, my travel agent.
- He was giving me their visas. - [Gasping]
Wow, Thailand. Thanks a lot, J.B. That's something.
Don't mention it. I just, um--
You know, if this nursing thing doesn't work out, Focker,
I'd say you definitely have a career in espionage.
[Snickering]
Thanks, Greg.
Well, I guess I'm gonna go to the airport now.
I guess you're gonna stay here.
Pam, l--
- Gaylord M. Focker? - Gaylord? Gaylord?
Yeah, that's me.
- I thought your name was Greg. - It is.
That's not what it says on the form. I know.
It's my legal name. Nobody's called me by it since I was in third grade.
[Denny Snickering]
[Deliveryman] Whatever.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. So your name's Gay Focker?
[Laughing]
Denny. I'm sorry. It's just it's not
[Laughing]
Come on. Now look what you've done. Oh, P-Pammy.
[Denny] Don't-- Don't go away.
You're in luck. There is room.
[Keys Clacking]
And without a Saturday stay-over, that fare difference will be...
$1,137.11 .
Would you want me to book you the seat? Okay. All right.
Did you want to check any bags today?
We should be all right with only one usher, don't you think?
I'm not so sure, Jack.
Thought you might like to see this.
- How did you get this? - Oh, I have my sources too.
I called Gaylord, a.k.a. Greg's parents in Detroit.
They saved his SAT scores too, in case you're interested.
Oh, honey. It-- That doesn't matter if he did well on some test.
What does that prove? Look at this place!
He almost destroyed the wedding because he lied!
I love you, Dad,
but you can be a real jerk sometimes.
So what if he took the MCATs? He's still not good enough for Pam.
Who is, Jack?
Nobody has ever been good enough for your Pam.
I mean, do you realize that you never even warmed up to Kevin until she broke up with him?
Maybe it's time you think about what Pam wants.
Greg, it's me.
I'm sure you're in the air by now,
so I guess you'll just get this when you get home.
Uh--
Listen, I am so sorry.
I acted like a complete idiot,
and I hope that you can forgive me.
I mean, I-I don't care about the fire or the cat or--
I mean, I can't believe you actually spray-painted a cat.
That's actually really gross, but th-the point is that--
that I understand why you did it, and--
and I love you.
I want you to know that I really-- I really, really love you, and, uh--
When you get this, will you please call me?
Okay. Bye.
Marty, listen, I need a commercial flight I.D. scan.
Interstate from New York La Guardia to Chicago.
Four-hour sweeps, backwards and forwards.
Last name: Foxtrot, Oscar, Charlie, Kilo, Echo, Romeo.
First name: Golf, Alpha, Yankee, Lima--
Gaylord Focker on Atlantic American flight 27, departs 2:35.
2:35? Twenty-three minutes. Thanks. Affirmative.
Enjoy your flight. Thanks.
Hello.
Oh, I'm sorry. We're only boarding rows nine and above right now. You'll have to wait.
Well, I'm in row eight.
Please step aside, sir.
It's just one row. Don't you think it's okay if l--
We'll call your row momentarily.
Step aside, sir.
Hmm.
Thank you for waiting. We'd like to continue boarding the aircraft now.
We're now boarding all rows, please. All remaining rows.
Mm, hello.
Mm-hmm. Enjoy your flight.
[Tires Screeching]
[Horn Honking]
Excuse me.
Okay, where's the fire, huh?
[Woman] Will you hand me that pillow over there?
- I'm sorry, sir. You're gonna have to check that. - I got it.
No, I'm sorry. That bag won't fit. No, I'm not-- Hey.
- I'm not checking my bag, okay? - There's no need to raise your voice, sir.
I'm not raising my voice. This would be raising my voice to you, okay?
I don't want to check my bag. By the way, your airline, you suck at checking bags.
Because I already did that once, and you lost it,
and then I had everything screwed up very badly for me.
Okay? I can assure you that your bag...
will be placed safely below deck with the other luggage.
Oh, yeah? How do you know my bag will be safe below with the other luggage?
Are you physically gonna take my bag beneath the plane?
Are you gonna go with the guys with the earmuffs and put it in there?
- No. - No? Okay. Then shut your pie hole...
and listen to me when I say that lam finished...
with the checking-of-the-bags conversation!
Sir, we have a policy on this airline that if a bag is this large, we--
Get your grubby little paws off of my bag, okay?
It's not like I have a bomb in here. It's not like I want to blow up the plane.
- Sir! - I wanna stow my bag according to your safety regulations.
- Sir, sir-- - If you would take a second...
and take the little sticks out of your head and clean out your ears,
maybe you would see that I'm a person who has feelings,
and all I have to do is do what I wanna do!
All I wanna do is hold onto my bag and not listen to you!
The only way that I would ever let go of my bag would be if you came over here now...
and tried to pry it from my dead, lifeless fingers.
Okay? If you can get it from my kung fu grip, then you can have it.
Okay? Otherwise, step off, bitch.
[Gasps]
Get off of me! Get off of me!
You got him? Yeah. Ow!
Hey. Hey! You can't leave your vehicle unattended. Tow it.
I've got a plane full of people saying you threatened that stewardess.
I was not threatening her. I was trying to get my bag into the overhead storage thing.
You were acting like a maniac, and you threatened her with a bomb!
- I said I didn't have a bomb! - You said "bomb."
- I said, "It's not like I have a bomb." - You said "bomb" on an airplane.
- What's wrong with saying "bomb" on an airplane? - You can't say "bomb."
Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb! You gonna arrest me?
- You assaulted an airline employee-- - What if I was a bombardier?
- I got enough to put you away for a few years! - Bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb!
Norm. Take five. We got a specialist here.
Bye, Norm.
Oh, shit. How'd you get here?
I'm everywhere, Focker.
I didn't do anything, Jack.
Yeah, I know. Well, then tell these guys that I'm not a terrorist.
Listen, Focker. I'm not gonna tell anybody anything until you answer some questions.
Unless you want to spend the next couple of years of your life in prison,
you better goddamn well tell me the truth.
No more lies. You understand? No more lies.
Did you do this? Just answer the questions.
Did you have me taken off of that airplane? Just answer the question.
Put your hands over there. That's it.
You're sick, you know that?
Is your name Gaylord Focker? Yes or no?
Yes. Are you a male nurse?
Yes. Are you a pothead?
No. Have you ever smoked pot?
Yes.
Did you spray-paint the tail of a cat to pass him off as Mr. Jinx?
Yes.
Did you do that because you desperately were seeking my approval?
Yes. Because you love my daughter Pam?
Yes. Do you wanna marry her?
Do you want to marry her?
I did, until I met you.
What does that mean?
I love your daughter, Jack. I love her more than anything.
But frankly, sir, I'm a little terrified of being your son-in-law.
This whole weekend has given me a lot of doubts...
about whether or not I could even survive in your family.
I think you've got some serious issues.
If I lighten up, would you consider marrying my daughter?
Would you lighten up a lot?
- Yeah. - Yes or no?
- Yes. - Would you let me and Pam...
Live our lives and not interfere all the time?
I promise not interfere in your lives all the time.
Will you stop making fun of me for being a nurse?
Could you at least try, maybe, to consider another profession?
-Jack, yes or no? - Ever?
- No! - Okay, yes.
Would you let me and Pam sleep in the same room?
Don't push it, Focker.
You're in a real mess.
If you married my daughter, would you support her...
in the way that she deserves to be supported?
- Yes. - Would you be honest and faithful to her?
Yes.
Will you devote yourself entirely to her for the rest of your life?
Of course.
Gaylord Focker,
will you be my son-in-law?
[Door Hinge Creaking]
Greg?
I thought you were going back to Chicago?
Yeah, well, we had a little plane trouble.
Plus, your dad caught up with me at the airport.
No. Don't worry.
It's okay. We worked out a lot of our issues.
You and my dad worked out a lot of your issues? Mm-hmm.
Yeah. First he gave me his little human lie detector thing, but I passed.
Good.
Yeah, and...
then he proposed.
Are you feeling all right?
Listen. This weekend was a nightmare.
I had this whole elaborate plan, and then...
somewhere between giving your sister a black eye...
and setting the house on fire, it kind of went off track.
I just-- I love you. I love you so much.
[Greg Speaking, Indistinct]
I think he's about to do it, Jack.
Come on, honey. Give 'em some privacy.
Shh, shh.
...and I think if we can get through...
what we got through in the last 48 hours, we could get through anything.
I think so too.
And, Greg, I don't-- Wait. Hang on a second.
Mr. Jinx? Mew, mew, mew, mew.
[Chuckling] Ji--
[Gasps] That's a ring.
I like to think of it as a little circle of trust.
Pam?
- Will you marry me? - Yes.
Yes.
[Laughing] Yes.
Attaboy, Greg!
That "circle of trust" thing? That's mine.
Oh.
Well, looks like we got another wedding to plan.
Yep. Just gotta do one more thing. What's that?
Meet his parents.
Jack-- Honey, relax. I'm sure they're wonderful,
Good night, Jack.
I mean, they'd have to be, right, to name their son Gaylord Focker.
[Sighs]
[Father O'Boyle] Do you, Debra Byrnes, take Robert Banks...
to be your lawfully wedded husband?
[Debbie] Yes. I mean, I do.
I now pronounce you man and wife.
[Guests Applauding, Cheering]
Let's just see if you really can flush the toilet, Jinxy.
["Puff, the Magic Dragon" Plays On Radio]
[Videotape Fast-Forwarding]
- [Toilet Flushing] - I knew it.
Oh! Shit! [Jiggling Handle]
- I knew it. - Damn it!
That's my future son-in-law. What do you think?
Hello, Jack.
Oh, look at that. Nice Jack. Hi.
What's that, Jack? What?
You're a big, bad C.I.A. man, huh?
Did they teach you that in the C.I.A.? They teach you that?
Oh, yeah. What's that, Jack?
What? Yeah, you thought Puff was just the name of the boy's magical dragon? Uh-huh.
Not too quick on the uptake, huh, Jack?
Why don't you ask Denny who's puffin' the magic dragon? Not onto that one, huh?
Surprising for a big C.I.A. pulse detector.
Ooh. Hey, hey, check my pulse on this question, Jack.
Do I think you're a psycho? Yes.
What? Oh, you like my little gift?
What? The Jerusalem what?
What? I can't hear you. Jerusalem toodle-oo-poosey, poosley-loo?
What? What? Oh, you don't now shit about flowers.
What's that? You want me to what?
You have another question? Sure. I got one question for you.
It's can you deal with that?
m
[Handy Newman] When you're a fool in love
Seems like the skies are always gray
You turn around There's someone in your way
And it's you And you're in love
Never another spring for you
Never a roin to sing for you
You're out there on your own
When you're a fool in love
[Woman Singing In French]
[Woman Continues Singing In French]
m
[Newman] Never another spring for you
[Woman Sings In French]
[Newman] You're out there on your own
[Newman Woman] When you're a fool in love
m
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